When Your Professional Mind Becomes Your Heaviest Burden: Caring For Caregivers in the Sandwich Generation

Nyoka Samuels-Gilchrist
Oct 10
5 min read

In The Midst of It

If you're caring for aging parents while working in healthcare, this is for you.

If you're navigating the sandwich generation—loving and supporting parents whose health isn't what it was even five years ago—this is for you.

If your professional mind goes to the places you wish it wouldn't, wondering about dementia, cognitive decline, and the blessed days remaining—this is for you.

Let me share something that changed me forever.

The Day I Met Harry

I put on the VR headset, and suddenly, I wasn't myself anymore. I was Harry—a man living with dementia.

The world looked... different. Wrong. Confusing.

I reached for what I thought was toothpaste. It was muscle pain relief cream. The tube looked the same to me—to Harry. How was I supposed to know?

My mail was in the bathtub. Why? I must have put it there, but I couldn't remember why. It made sense at the time.

The sink. The water. It was running over, and I couldn't figure out how to stop it. My hands moved, but nothing worked right.

Where were my keys? I checked everywhere. Finally found them in the medicine cabinet. Of course. That's where they go... don't they?

And then—the birds. The beautiful birds on my curtains began to fly. They lifted off the fabric and moved through my living room. It was terrifying and mesmerizing at once.

This was Harry's world. This is what living with dementia can look like from the inside.

What I Learned That Changed Everything

Delane, from the Central Alabama Aging Consortium, walked us through the presentations of dementia—not the clinical symptoms we memorize in school, but the lived experience.

Visual deficits begin as a decrease in peripheral vision, then shrink into tunnel vision. Imagine trying to navigate your own home when you can only see what's directly in front of you.

Hallucinations can occur from busy tapestry, or posters with animals that create fear. What we see as decoration, they see as a threat.

Problem-solving becomes extremely challenging. Tasks we do without thinking—brushing teeth, finding keys, turning off water—become impossible puzzles.

But here's what stopped me in my tracks:

Delane from the Central Alabama Aging Consortium said something profound: "People living with dementia are not going to change. We have to adapt to their needs."

Read that again.

They are not going to change. We have to adapt.

A World of Difference

Once I understood this, everything shifted. The interventions aren't about fixing the person with dementia. They're about creating an environment and approach that meets them exactly where they are.

Disguise doors to decrease exit-seeking behaviors. If they can't see the door clearly, they're less anxious about leaving.

Pay attention to actions, not words. What they do tells you more than what they say.

Smile warmly. Your facial expression communicates safety when words don't make sense anymore.

Use signs. Visual cues replace the memory they've lost.

Create clutter-free environments. Simplicity reduces confusion and anxiety.

Watch for change. Every day can be different. What worked yesterday might not work today.

These interventions are genius—not because they're complicated, but because they're rooted in adaptation, not expectation.

What This Means for Us as Caregivers

Here's the truth I need you to hear: This isn't just about caring for people with dementia. This is about how we care for ourselves while caring for them.

As healthcare professionals, we're trained to assess, diagnose, and treat. We're problem-solvers. We fix things.

But when it comes to our aging parents—when we see the subtle changes, the forgetfulness, the confusion—our professional minds can become our greatest burden. We see what's coming. We know the trajectory. We carry knowledge that sometimes feels too heavy.

And in that knowledge, we can forget the most important intervention of all: adaptation over control.

We cannot control:

The progression of cognitive decline
Our parents' aging process
The number of blessed days remaining
The memories that fade

We can adapt:

Our expectations to match their reality
Our environments to reduce their stress
Our communication to honor where they are now
Our own self-care to sustain us through this journey

When we stop trying to change what cannot be changed and start adapting to what is, something shifts. The weight lightens. The frustration eases. We find moments of connection in the midst of loss.

The Caregiver's Transformation

The same principles that help people living with dementia help us as caregivers:

Simplify your environment. Let go of the non-essentials. You cannot do everything, and that's okay.

Pay attention to your actions, not just your words. Are you saying "I'm fine" while running yourself into the ground? Your body is telling a different story.

Watch for change. Your capacity shifts day by day. What you could handle last month might be too much this month. Honor that.

Create visual cues for yourself. Reminders to rest. Notes that say "You're doing enough." Signs that point you back to your own well-being.

Smile warmly at yourself. Be as gentle with your own struggles as you are with theirs.

You Don't Have to Do This Alone

Whether you're a healthcare professional caring for aging parents, a family caregiver navigating this journey without medical training, or someone in the sandwich generation trying to balance it all—you need support.

You need a community that understands.

You need tools that actually work.

You need permission to prioritize your own wellness while caring for others.

I've created something for you:

📥 View the free guide: What No One Tells You About Caring for Your Parents While Caring for Patients Part 1 and No One Tells You About Caring for Your Parents While Caring for Patients Part 2

This resource includes:

The key interventions from dementia care training
Environmental modifications you can implement today
Communication strategies that reduce stress for everyone
Self-care practices specifically for caregivers in the sandwich generation
Warning signs of caregiver burnout (and what to do about them)

Join our community: Nurturing Positive Healthcare Culture on Facebook is a brave space for healthcare professionals and family caregivers who are navigating the complexity of caring for aging parents. You'll find support, resources, and people who truly understand what you're going through.

👉 Join Nurturing Positive Healthcare Culture

A Final Thought

When I took off that VR headset and stopped being Harry, I carried something with me: profound compassion.

Compassion for people living with dementia who are doing their best in a world that no longer makes sense.

Compassion for caregivers who are adapting daily to circumstances beyond their control.

And compassion for myself—for the moments I feel overwhelmed, for the fears my professional mind creates, for the grief that lives alongside the love.

We adapt. We don't control. And in that adaptation, we find a way forward.

If you're in this season of life, caring for aging parents while managing your own responsibilities, I see you. Your love matters. Your effort matters. And your well-being matters too.

Let's walk this path together.

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